Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
