u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
