i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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