No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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