I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
