guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
