he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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