i think my tv is drunk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
MIDGETS
????
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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