omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
