I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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