She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
