gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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