yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
sex in a hospital.. check
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
