definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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