Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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