At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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