I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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