trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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