I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
