I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Your cock deserves a montage
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
