My nipple is on Facebook.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
