did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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