I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
