my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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