dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
