his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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