I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
