Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I need moral support for this bender
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
