Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
