oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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