he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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