Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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