my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
