so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
ttyl tear gas
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
COCAINE IS GR8
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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