I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
