You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
