my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
