A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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