you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
