While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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