the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
