Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
