remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
