If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
