If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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