Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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