i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
