My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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