miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
