matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Found your dick twin last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
