You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
