So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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