Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want her autograph on my taint
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
