Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
