Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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